'Twas the night of halloween when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even the cat, the turtle, the lizard, nor Mickey Mouse;
The campaign signs were staked in the lawn with care,
In hopes that the election soon would be here;
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of educational choice danced in their heads;
And Sandy in her nightgown, and I in my cap,
Had just settled down for a fall evening nap,
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I ran kinda fast,
Tore open the curtains and yanked up the blinds ('cause we don't have a sash).
The moon on the expanse of freshly cut grass
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects that'd make one gasp,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a hideous creature -- your absolute worst nightmare,
With a little old chairman, so lively and slick,
I knew in a moment I'd probably be sick
...And then the creature spoke:
Children of Utah, creatures of the state. Do not trust your parents. Choice, freedom, and agency are false human emotions. We don't need no stinking choices!
Do not "Think Different." Individuality is contrary to the collective. It will be crushed. Your education, or lack thereof, will be determined by majority will.
Your future is controlled by the collective. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated!
Then I heard him exclaim, ere he strode out of sight,
"All-hallows eve to all, and to all a good fright."
-- Special thanks to Star Trek, Apple, Disney, Clement Clarke Moore for his classic poem "The Night Before Christmas and of course Chair Burningham.
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